If Life Came with Instructions

By: Loren Hagerty, Executive Director

Loren and his daughter Kyla born weighing 3lbs 3oz in March, 2006.

Welcome to the world. Though you are one of many humans, you have infinite value and worth. You are small and helpless now but your body will quickly mature following the instructions encoded in your DNA. You live in your body, but you are not your body—you are a soul. These instructions are for you, the soul. This feeling you feel now as an infant—this fragility, fear, and dependence—you’ll sense this, at least from time to time, for life.

You can ignore it, suppress it, pretend it isn’t there, but if you are honest, at any age you’ll often feel weak, vulnerable, frail, and insecure. What should you do in those moments? First, know that you are in good company—there are seven billion others on the planet who also feel this way (yes, even the grown-ups). You’ll look at them and think they have it all together, but this is a mask, a façade. There is nothing that you’ll go through in life, whether feelings or experiences, that countless others haven’t already gone through—and are going through right now. No matter how obscure your challenges or fears may seem, you will never be alone in them.

Fear is helpful when there is real danger, but unhelpful when the danger is only perceived. Learn to tell the difference. Be afraid of bears, if bears are right in front of you. Do not be afraid of public speaking, test writing, or job interviews. Unlike bears, these will not eat you. If they don’t go well, you will be just fine. Anxiety is feeling in danger when you are not, or believing you are in far more danger than you really are. Practice letting go of false fear, including fear of things that might happen but probably won’t. When you feel insecure, recognize it, know that the world’s most accomplished people deal with the same feelings, and refuse to let false fear or self-doubt hold you back. Choose to do what is best and right, regardless of how you feel, and those feelings will fade as your confidence gains a footing.

This world has plenty of good, beauty, love, and happiness in it. Spend time with others who seek those things with you. The world also has lots of evil—there are people who won’t hesitate to hurt you if it benefits or pleases them. Flee from such people. But if you are hurt by them, it is not your fault. Choose to love and trust good people again, and to never lose the firm belief that you are worthy, you are enough, you have infinite value.

Now, here is a great secret of the universe. The way to become strong is to first become weak, like a little child. Those who pursue strength directly are simply using it as a mask for their weaknesses and insecurities without dealing with them. No amount of achievements, accolades, financial success, physical strength, beauty, uniqueness, perfection, knowledge, fun experiences, or fortified walls of safety—will ever root out insecurity that is left to grow like mold in a dark closet. Rather—build close friendships with people you can trust and reveal your insecurities to them. You will fear that they will love you less, but they will love you so much more. When you bring your insecurities out into the open with trusted friends or family, the light of day will expose them as false fears, and the love of others will build in you a strength and security that only flourishes when one becomes strong by first becoming weak. Then walk on, in humble confidence, guarding yourself not to sway into humble insecurity nor arrogant confidence. This will require diligence and effort your whole life through.

Lastly, know that the greatest thing in the universe is love. Seek it, give it, share it, never hoard it, and don’t let insecurity, fear of rejection, or fear of vulnerability get in the way of it. Love is the reason we live. Not the romantic kind, but selfless committed love. Keep faith and hope in this love.